I was having a conversation with my girlfriends the other night and the topic of “women on women hate” came up. We shared our experiences, how we’ve contributed to the problem and the times we have been victim to it. It may have started subtly and casually like that time you rolled your eyes about that woman who has the attention of your crush, the time you made a snide remark about her outfit when deep down you know she slayed or the time you tried to block her opportunity. A situation presents itself, your inner insecurities and competitiveness surface and you become “that woman.”
The problem – “That woman”
1. The side eye: Her: “Babe did you see that look?” Him: “What look?”
The thing about girl code is there are certain things that are just between women and a lot of the time guys just don’t get it. The side eye is the perfect example. Have you ever joined your guy friends at a chill session or the VIP section at the club while they’re with other women? Have you noticed the looks you get? YES! That is what I’m talking about and 9/10 the guys just don’t see it.
I’ve encountered these mean girls more than I care to count. These are the girls who leave hateful comments underneath your pictures. They thrive off body shaming, slut shaming or bringing some sort of shame to other women. Depending on how nasty they feel like being they may even tag their friends underneath your picture so that they can tag team bully.
3. “Yes but she isn’t as pretty in person and she’s a b*tch.”
We’ve all met this woman. The one who loves being complimented but hates hearing or seeing other women being complimented. She knocks every good comment down with negativity because she wants all the glory and shine for herself.
It’s sad to think this hashtag was trending, what’s even sadder is for some it wasn’t just a hashtag it was a reality. These #youcantsitwithus girls believe they are way too cool to be seen with just anyone. They isolate themselves, create cliques or a circle and judge everyone else on the outside.
5. The frenemy
These women have to be the most dangerous of all. These are the ones who pretend to be your friend, smile and laugh with you but behind your back are dragging you (destroying your reputation). They will use you and be “friendly” but their friendliness comes with a disclaimer. “Warning: As soon as you have served your purpose for me I’ll stop being so nice, in fact I’ll show you who I really am to your face.”
Instead of writing about how toxic these women are I’d rather offer up a different perspective. Many women have not been taught how to celebrate each other. We have been pitted against each other for so long and trained to be more concerned about the opposite sex. Our worth is measured by trivial issues such as the number on the scale or whether or not we have a thigh gap, our success by the number of expensive items we can photograph and post on the gram and our beauty by the number of likes we can get on social media. We’ve become so competitive. It’s all about who has the prettiest eyes, the most handbags, the biggest butt-smallest waist and most successful boyfriend. The competition goes on and on.
A possible solution
Compliment another woman today, I promise you it’s ok. Contrary to what your insecurities may sneak up on you and say, another woman’s beauty does not signify the absence of your own. Like her picture online, let her know she looks amazing in that skirt, smile at her from across the room and support her business.
It’s time for women to step up and speak kindness, success and love to each other.*Insert women holding hands emoticon* It’s time to be supportive and stand together on social issues. So what that she has more cellulite, more stretch marks, a small butt, more wrinkles and has lost or gained weight? She’s isn’t less of a woman. It’s time to teach men (those who don’t already know) how to treat and speak to us by setting an example.
One could argue that this problem won’t be resolved over night and you are right, but now is a good time for change. We can do it a compliment at a time, we can do it by checking ourselves when you hear, see and feel yourself becoming “that woman.” Don’t be that woman.
Miss Curvy Lala