“This was my way of saying to myself and my ex, this is who I really am.”

My ex boyfriend and I started dating because of my insecurities. We had known each other for two months before we started dating. I knew I liked him and I enjoyed spending time with him but the truth was, I wasn’t ready to date him.
This is how it happened. He took me out for dinner and asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, but he wasn’t really asking. While I was happy that he saw me as the girlfriend type I knew I wasn’t ready and I expressed that to him. His reaction? He said “well I’m not prepared to only be friends, it’s either all or nothing” and then got up and went to the bathroom. When he got back I said “ok cool, let’s date” (please refer to the opening line of this article).
The relationship turned out to be a roller coaster of emotions and experiences for “almost two years.” It broke me down and built me up,  it taught me valuable lessons and robbed me of the possible beauty of being in a healthy and intimate relationship. I take responsibility for the part I played in all of this,  for the good times and bad. I didn’t know who I was, what I had become and how much work I really needed, and in fact still do. I spent so much time crying,  verbally fighting with him, pushing my friends away, comfort eating and hating on every woman who looked happy. I was a mess. Too much had been said and done and we eventually broke up.
A few months after we broke up I created my first body love/self love campaign titled This is ME . This was a big moment for me. While everyone thought  I was only addressing the matter of body acceptance,  I was actually addressing two matters and both were equally personal.
1. The matter everyone else knows about – This is ME was about taking ownership of my “flaws” and learning how to embrace them. I was sick of seeing big women having to apologise for and excuse their bodies. It is important to me that women, especially those suffering from low self-esteem, become confident, stop hiding and own their bodies
2. The matter only I knew about – This was my way of saying to myself and my ex,  this is who I really am. This strong woman you see who is bringing people together,  who has a voice and is going to use it to stand up for other women, who has a vision and a purpose and is going to fulfill it to the best of her ability is who I am. I know I was broken,  emotionally exhausted and felt I had nothing worth giving but this person now,  This is ME.
This note was not supposed to be about my ex but I had to give you context in order to share these valuable messages.
1. You are not alone – My biggest comfort in standing up and sharing my thoughts and experiences was learning that I was not alone, other women had experienced similar issues and overcome them.
2. “Never regrets, only lessons” – I’m grateful for my experiences because as clichéd as this sounds, I’m the woman I am today because of them.
3. Address your insecurities – The only way to deal with your insecurities is to address them. It’s an uncomfortable process but it has to be part of your top priorities because you deserve peace of mind, body/self love and acceptance.
4. The greatest love affair you will ever have should be that with yourself – being lonely is a terrible feeling but being in a relationship with someone and still feeling alone is even worse. Don’t allow fear or anyone to strong arm you into dating.  It’s more than ok to take time to figure out your situation and get to know who you are while you are single.
5 “I am not perfect. I am ENOUGH. What they don’t tell you is being enough means so much more.” – Miss Curvy Lala
This is ME. I hope this too can become you.

One comment

  1. This just rang so true for me . I have just broken up with my best friend and i had to admit i wanted him to heal every flaw i felt people saw when they looked at me and even though we loved eachother i have to learn to love me more first

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