I’ve come across so many women who have this issue. They see beauty in everything and everyone else but themselves and this is a problem. The truth is, I’ve been here. My self-esteem was so low I had pictures of women stuck all over my wallpaper and in my cell phone gallery, I had no problem inboxing or walking up to another female and telling her how beautiful she is. This was not the issue, the issue was that I had no full length pictures of me in my room (not even in frames) and I never spent time telling myself I was beautiful.

I’m a huge believer in the power of thoughts, the effect it has on you and all that negativity in my mind destroyed possible opportunities, relationships and wasted my time. Why is it ok for people to think negatively about themselves but the minute they think positively they’re labelled negatively.

I read a tweet the other day by @markuspr1m3_ that said “We beg women to love themselves, but tell confident women to calm down.” Well ain’t that the truth.  Why is it ok for people to think negatively about themselves but the minute they think positively they’re labelled negatively? 

You know what the saddest part of this is? It seems that it’s women who have the biggest problem with confident women. Personally, when I see other confident women my feeling is of inspiration and how I want to be at that place where I’m so in touch with my body, my feelings, my opinions and career. We complain about how men don’t respect us and put us down but who is their example because we don’t respect each other and we also put each other down. One of the cruelest things one can do is use something to hurt someone else when you know it’s their insecurity but what’s even more awkward is when it’s their issue too. E.g. I have women commenting on my cellulite as if they don’t have any but because they have less/ choose to hide it they think it makes it ok. What are we? Cellulite police? If you don’t like your cellulite then ok but leave mine alone, it’s mine!! It’s not contagious, it’s not going to reach through your screen and harm you, you are safe! I can’t help but wonder if the real issue is that they wish they had that level of confidence even if they didn’t put it out there publically. Or is it admitting that a woman like me with so many “flaws” is just as beautiful. Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you think that another woman’s beauty means the subtraction of your own?

Then there’s another layer to this issue which is relationships. You find the man you have been looking for and it makes you go crazy because you so desperately don’t want other women to see what you see in him. “You so desperately don’t want other women to see what you see in him” but what about WHAT HE SEES IN YOU?? I’ve spoken to guys who love the mainstream model size type of woman but will point out a curvier woman and say “she is so damn confident, it’s sexy.” When you allow your insecurities to pour into your bedroom, your conversations, what you say and the how you interpret things, it will eventually drown your relationship. Without even saying it you are telling your man, there are girls so much prettier, so much better, so much more worth his time and attention that he is stupid for sticking around with you. That is the seed you planted and then when he eventually leaves you are mad at other women all over again.

Oh gosh and then there’s another layer which is the “blowing in the wind syndrome.” This is when everyone else’s opinion about you makes or breaks you. If someone tells you how beautiful you are you hold onto that and then someone else comes and calls you “a fat ass ugly donkey” and you let go of it and you are left blowing in the wind. I’ve been here too and it’s the most emotionally exhausting and unstable place to be. This is why I keep saying self- love is so important. According to Google search, self-love is the “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” I love this! YES, sometimes it’s more than ok to be selfish. When you truly learn to love yourself you will begin to understand that when it comes to you, the most important opinion about yourself is your own. People can tell you how beautiful and amazing you are but if you don’t believe it it means nothing, the same way people can tell you how ugly you are, if you don’t believe it it means nothing.

Moral of the story ? If you see beauty in everything but yourself, you’re not looking hard enough.

Lala @misscurvylala


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